麻烦为我的托福作文评分!From the ancient time to modern society today,the leadership always plays a important role in the decision.Gradually,some voices in the current wisdom claim that an efficient leader always tries to make everyone feel

麻烦为我的托福作文评分!From the ancient time to modern society today,the leadership always plays a important role in the decision.Gradually,some voices in the current wisdom claim that an efficient leader always tries to make everyone feel
麻烦为我的托福作文评分!
From the ancient time to modern society today,the leadership always plays a important role in the decision.Gradually,some voices in the current wisdom claim that an efficient leader always tries to make everyone feel that they are part of making decision.Some persons disagree with it in that it may trigger the confliction between the members.In addition,some members may not agree with the same point.Although such statement has many advantages,a careful scrutiny of the statement will reveal how fallacious it is.In terms of me,I approve of the point of view.
To begin with,it is undeniable that making everyone feel that they are part of making decision will intrigue the members and give rise to the members’ creativities.For people,they often have conceptions that they should be responsible for the task.So if the leader makes them feel they are part of making decision,they will work so hard that they can come up with some new ideas.For example,the leader of the Lenovo always encourage his group members to take part in the heated discussion and point out the own view.Thus the Lenovo company acquires a significant success.
In addition,making everyone feel that they are in the group also can make the products more delicate and greater.Because when everyone holds the responsibility of the decision,they will try to find the drawbacks of the product so that it can improve the quality of the product.Although we may not have conclusive scientific evidence of the cause-effect relationship between the two,ample anecdotal evidence establishes a significant correlation.The typical example also occurs with the Lenovo campany,its members always try to find out what cause the product worse and come up with the relevant solutions.in times of this actions occurs again and again,the products of the Lenovo occupies a large part of the consumer field of China.
Just like the proverb goes,” the best leadership is making the members to decide”.I am definitely in support of the statement that making everyone feel that they are part of making decision.As long as it happens,it can provide us with many benefits such as the improving the members’ interest and rehabilitating the quality of the products.It is high time that leader should make the members feel they are the part of the decision.
题目忘记了,通过文章可以推敲出来,

麻烦为我的托福作文评分!From the ancient time to modern society today,the leadership always plays a important role in the decision.Gradually,some voices in the current wisdom claim that an efficient leader always tries to make everyone feel
a important 冠词错误是小错误,注意下哈
开头观点明确,符合评分标准一
每段逻辑关系词又,符合评分标准三
词的多样性与句式的多样性也满足了
用到俚语,可以加分
但是不知道格式是否是因为复制粘贴发生错误,定格写要空行
整体还不错,23可以拿到

a important改为：an important
make decision 冠词缺失
disagree with是普通词组，建议替换为frown on sth.
还有很多语法错误，你还是花钱找人改吧
建议你到新东方批改网上提交，是专业的外教批改，对你考试更有帮助，可以评分，但是要花钱。

花钱去新东方批改网上找老外给你改吧