请高人帮忙修改雅思小作文.主要是语法句式和词汇.信息应该没遗漏,原图就不贴了.多谢多谢.The two graphs demonstrate the average scores of British students who majored in foreign languages and their final results in ge

请高人帮忙修改雅思小作文.主要是语法句式和词汇.信息应该没遗漏,原图就不贴了.多谢多谢.The two graphs demonstrate the average scores of British students who majored in foreign languages and their final results in ge
请高人帮忙修改雅思小作文.主要是语法句式和词汇.信息应该没遗漏,原图就不贴了.多谢多谢.
The two graphs demonstrate the average scores of British students who majored in foreign languages and their final results in getting degrees over 10 years spanning from 1991 through 2000.
During the 4-years study, it appeared that the average scores of students who learnt French suffered a gradual decline, from about 75 to 60. In contrast, the fingers of Spanish learners increased steadily, from 45 to 75. At the meanwhile, the data of students who majored in German experienced fluctuation. It went up from 50 to 60 dramatically during the first two years, and then followed by a slight decrease. Anyway, the German learners’ average scores remained stable eventually, about 60 more or less.
Over the period from 1991 to 2000, 14% students got a First Class Degree. Meanwhile, the majority received an Upper Second Class Degree or a Lower Second Class Degree or a Pass Degree, as the proportion was 27%, 30% and 20%, respectively. Regretfully, 9% students failed to get degrees when they said farewell to their university lives.
According to the graphs, French learners may get the highest average scores in all of the three majors, whereas students majored in Spanish the lowest. In total, 91% students’ average scores were above 40, which was the pass-mark for getting a degree.

请高人帮忙修改雅思小作文.主要是语法句式和词汇.信息应该没遗漏,原图就不贴了.多谢多谢.The two graphs demonstrate the average scores of British students who majored in foreign languages and their final results in ge
写的不错哦
1..who majored in foreign languages和the data of students who majored.中,majored改为major,用主动式.
2.During the 4-years study,应该是4-year study吧
3." the fingers of Spanish learners increased steadily" ,finger拼错了吧.应该是figures ,不过,用amount 好像恰当些.
4.At the meanwhile这种表达不对哦,应该用at the same time 或者直接用meanwhile好了
5.the data of students who majored in German experienced fluctuation,感觉这句怪怪的,
一般来说,表达为fluctuate between .and .或者 fluctuate around.,很少用它的名词形式.可以考虑这样表达the data of students who majored in German fluctuate with time
6.about 60 more or less.60左右,直接表达为about/around 60就可以了
7.as the proportion was 27%,30% and 20%,respectively改为,with a proportion of 27%,30% and 20%,respectively
8..the pass-mark 可以考虑改为 the cut-off scores

不错啊