雅思作文批改,给个分,说一有没有重大语法错误或者偏题就好啊.题目是Students should not be encouraged to participate in sports at school because sports will cause competition rather than co-operation.To what extent you agree

雅思作文批改,给个分,说一有没有重大语法错误或者偏题就好啊.题目是Students should not be encouraged to participate in sports at school because sports will cause competition rather than co-operation.To what extent you agree
雅思作文批改,给个分,说一有没有重大语法错误或者偏题就好啊.
题目是Students should not be encouraged to participate in sports at school because sports will cause competition rather than co-operation.To what extent you agree or disagree?
Whether should encourage students to join in sports at school is an issue that arouses controversy.Some people think sports is full of competition,while others against that sports can cultivate students’ co-operation.personally,I agree the latter view.
Admittedly,the consequence of sports match is consist of success and losing.This turth make majority of parents worry about what a huge reverse is children will meet and then ruin their confidence.Therefore,some of parents don not encourage their children to pay a attention to sports and even restrict their ambitiousness of sports.
However,PE as a regular course in the educational system must have more advantages than disadvantages.Specifically,sports not only could strong person’s body and improve person’s health like do exercise every day at school,but also could relax students’ mental,especially them are living under the enormous studying stress.
What is the most important,team sports could teach students how to co-operate with each other,and take the reward and the shame together.
Certainly,individual sports are also beneficial to us ,whilst training alone for long time may cause one become selfish and aggressive.Therefore,school could ogranise
different groups that make up of those who have the same sports interset.As all people know,increasingly works need teams to fulfil.Even though as a leader in the company,one should co-operate with staff rather than manage them all the time.Essentially,the student who is able to learn co-operation will have more opportunities to get position in company in the future.
To summary,I suggest that parents and teachers should encourage students involve in different sports with their classmates.

雅思作文批改,给个分,说一有没有重大语法错误或者偏题就好啊.题目是Students should not be encouraged to participate in sports at school because sports will cause competition rather than co-operation.To what extent you agree
“Whether should encourage students to join in sports at school is an issue that arouses controversy.” 语法不规范,请确认
“Some people think sports is full of competition, while others against that sports can cultivate students' co-operation.”此句型用的太过频繁,建议改为sb. suppose +从句或sb. claim +从句或sb. agree +从句或第一人称时替换为As far as I am concerned.
“Therefore, some of parents don not encourage their children to pay a attention to sports and even restrict their ambitiousness of sports.”把 some of parents 改成 some of the parents
“To summary, I suggest that parents and teachers should encourage students involve in different sports with their classmates.” 语法不规范
你可以去51批改网上找外教改,新东方旗下的,不过要花钱,自己斟酌吧

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