六级作文批改请大家帮我修改下这篇六级作文,我词汇感觉不怎么丰富,所以表达的可能比较那什么,希望大家多提意见.该怎么改进我今后的作文?如果总分15分,可以得多少分呢?The damage of public f

六级作文批改请大家帮我修改下这篇六级作文,我词汇感觉不怎么丰富,所以表达的可能比较那什么,希望大家多提意见.该怎么改进我今后的作文?如果总分15分,可以得多少分呢?The damage of public f
六级作文批改
请大家帮我修改下这篇六级作文,我词汇感觉不怎么丰富,所以表达的可能比较那什么,希望大家多提意见.该怎么改进我今后的作文?如果总分15分,可以得多少分呢?
The damage of public facilities
There has been a discussion about the damage of public facilities.It is obvious that it will affect people’s formal life.Additionally,precious resources of society will be wasted.It is crucial that effective actions should be taken to prevent the damage of public facilities.
To begin with,we should improve citizens’ sense of responsibility.That is because people are not aware of their actions will how harmful to other people.When public facilities are damaged,other people can hardly use them.That virtually brings about poor influences to people’s formal life.In addition,some rules can be put into practice.For instance,if someone damage public facility,he must pay for his action.Last but not least,we can reward the action which protect public facilities from being damaged,moreover make it known by people.Only by these measures can we prevent the damage of public facilities.
In fact,more than three ways can be adopted.The solutions vary according to different situations.As for me,not only efforts of citizens,but also government’s should be taken to solve the problem.All in all,in order to make our country a better place in which we live,we should exert ourselves in struggle for the combat the damage of public facilities.

六级作文批改请大家帮我修改下这篇六级作文,我词汇感觉不怎么丰富,所以表达的可能比较那什么,希望大家多提意见.该怎么改进我今后的作文?如果总分15分,可以得多少分呢?The damage of public f
.小学六年级写出这么强悍的文章.泪崩.,我看看
The damage of public facilities
(题目不是给出的吧,意思上有歧义,可理解成“对公共设施的破坏”,也可理解成“公共设施对...造成的破坏”,最好把of改成to吧)
There has been a discussion about the damage of (改成to) public facilities.It is obvious that it will affect people’s formal (formal为正式,需改成daily) life.Additionally,precious resources of society will be wasted.It is crucial that effective actions should be taken to prevent the damage of public facilities.
To begin with,we should improve citizens’ sense of responsibility.That is because people are not aware of (of改成that,你后面接的是句子,注意be aware of和be aware that的区别) their actions will how harmful to other people (整句从句语序不对,改成how hamrful their random behavior is to other people.action放在此处不当).When public facilities are damaged,other people can hardly use them.That virtually brings about poor (poor改成negative,让意思更明白一些) influences to people’s formal (同上) life.In addition,some rules can be put into practice.For instance,if someone damage(加s) public facility,he must pay for his action (his action改成what he has done).Last but not least,we can reward the action which protect public facilities from being damaged (整句话改掉,改成：we can award those who protect public facilities from being damaged for their contributions,reward是酬谢,award是奖励.其次,你奖励的宾语必须是人,而非行为,另外,哥们,action用得也忒多了些),moreover make it known by people (整句话改成：which makes it further known by others).Only by (加上taking) these measures can we prevent the damage of (to) public facilities.
In fact,more than three ways can be adopted.The solutions vary according to different situations.As for me,not only efforts of citizens,but also government’s should be taken to solve the problem.All in all,in order to make our country a better place in which we live,we should exert ourselves in struggle for the combat the damage of public facilities.
开头结尾挺好的,中间语言出现了些许错误,但问题不大.高级句型也有啦,结构词也有啦,考试写出这样大概也能得个不错的分数啦.不过咧,假如要进一步的进步的话,首先要多看一下例文或者优秀范文啥的,感觉一些表达方面还是比较贫乏咯,例如take action to do,action什么的用了好多次,behavior,what they do,what harm they have done to XXX,这些可以替换一下咯.另外,假如真的要选成优秀范文的话,多考究一下观点的铺陈问题,观点看起来有点眼熟,也就是说,有点儿俗套哈.多用点儿想象力.
哈.改到一半时看到是六级.我汗颜.
ps.15大概能得个11吧
哥们在奋斗六级吧,假如有需要可以加我百度hi,可以探讨一下,

other people can hardly use them-----可以用被动式去描述更好点
It is obvious that it will affect people’s formal life------normal 更好点

不会。。。